I have mastered the art of self sabotage. I have been through the depths of depravity and survived but not unscarred. I let negative thoughts consume me instead of focusing on the positive, even when I try my hardest. I do well for periods of time, I manage to hold a job and a "healthy, functional" relationship but then I crumble, the past haunts me and I feel like a deer in headlights. So I self sabotage, everything I build, I destroy. I am like an insolent child kicking over their block castle because they got frustrated with the blocks falling. I know life is like that, the blocks fall and you pick them up to rebuild but how many times before you break? what lesson am I supposed to learn? and when will I be able to find my place in the sun? You know, I don't even want my place in the sun yet, I just want to feel it's warmth on my face as a reassurance that things will get better.